The Silence scares me because it frames the truth.

C,

what happened to us? No, really.. what the fuck happened? Because apparently I didn't get any memos of any such thing and I was a little blindsided to say the least. You could've said something... but you didn't, you let me hurt and watched me do it. You knew how much I cared for you and I felt as if it was returned, but I fell so hard.

A told me about a conversation that the two of you had after we'd been hanging out and we had been together a few times. You told him you thought I was magical, that you've never felt like that, that you really cared for me.. is any of that ringing a bell? He told me this after we stopped talking, sorry you stopped talking. A felt like I deserved to at least hear it, even if it was from someone else. I was also told that you thought I was too strong, that you needed the male lead and wasn't going to have it any other way. I'm sorry, you should have told me"

I was going though so much hurt at that time, I couldn't even believe that it was happening, I was thrilled to be with you, I'm sorry I was so strong. It was the times I was put in, I couldn't help it. I know you are scared to lose your dad so you can't expect someone to be that strong in a situation, but I can't change that.

I wish things would've been different with us, not that it would/wouldn't of happened, but just in the way that I dealt with everything, I was so distant and I know that hurt you. But you hurt me so much more, you told those girls at the bar about my life story, why must I have other bitches knowing my business about my family and what i've gone through. It was publicised enough and I didn't need you reminding me how shitty the past three years have been.

We're talking again now, not nearly as much as before but it's nice. It's nice to know that you don't hate me enough not to speak to me. We did talk on Rememberance day, do you remember? I told you that it hurt because of what you said and you knew you shouldn't have treated me like that. I know you're different and so am I.

love always,
S