even if the sky is falling down

C,

You couldn't have confused me any more then you have now. Two weeks ago A ripped you apart at the bar, you walked away but we still talked that night, it was different and a nice change. Things seemed different.

Then on Saturday I had to see you again, you walked out of the crowd and with impeccable timing it seemed, the band called last song and it only seemed right that we would go dance. You make me feel so comfortable around you. We split up after that, I think I went outside to gt air because it was hot and because I saw C dancing with that girl that I went to high school with. She couldn't have been more gorgeous and as much feelings that I had for him, you were the one who won, again.

A and I saw you at Subway after we left the cold streets, I was looking for somewhere warm, so were you. You sat down and ate with us and I asked you to come home with me. I don't know what I had planned I didn't want anything to happen, I just wanted to be near you. When we finally grew tired of throwing cards around my kitchen with A and T we went up to bed. We talked and I even found that hilarioous ticklish spot I didn't know you had on your side, I can't believe I didn't know about it. we laughed. We laughed so easily together, it's been like that forever. I don't remember falling asleep because I was drinking but I know that I fell asleep in your arms. When I woke up, adjusted my eyes and was about to get up, you grabbed my hand and held it, I went back to sleep just so I could be close to you.

The next day you stayed till the afternoon, I don't know if it was because you couldn't go anywhere else, or that was where you wanted to be. Whatever it was I wish that you would tell me, you're driving me crazy with going back and forth. I didn't realize you left you're t-shirt here until later on when i grabbed it thinking it was mine and smelled it to see if it was clean, all I got was the smell of your cologne and my knees went weak. I wish that one day I'll be able to say this to your face, until then it's still return to sender.

Love,
S

we could've met the sunset

AC,

I've been putting this letter off as much as I can. I can't count the amount of times I've tried to reach you only to be shut out again. But something wierd just happened, you signed online for the first time in forever, maybe you'll get my messages, maybe you won't. Did you read them, did you feel the slightest need to answer me back. We both lost a brother but your the one who decided to shut me out of your life after. We had something different that I've never had and it scared the living shit out of me.

You scared me, I cared about you so much and I can't even count the ways I was disappointed when you left, more disappointed that you couldn't say not even one word to me. He was MY brother, YOUR best friend, you know for a fact that you were the only one of his friends I actually trusted fully and now I'm just feeling hurt still, I want to know you're okay. I want to know that you're better and not as sad. I want you to show everyone who you really are; a kind, caring man who deserves nothing but happiness because of all the shit you've been through. I wish you nothing the best, it couldn't be with me around and I'll have to accept and deal with that, I hope your life takes flight..

LoveAlways,
S

Sometimes it's just better off not knowing.

C,

we didn't even have to be together for us to have a connection, we also didn't have to be together for you to mess me up either. I felt really hurt when you peaced out and would barely say a word to me. It just hurts that you couldn't take the time to even say hi to me when you saw me at that game. Your best friend did? Seriously, he talked to me and he's the one who shouldn't, not from my accounts but apparently you've learned some tips from him then i guess. You know how I've always felt about you and it's ridiculous, you shouldn't have kissed me in front of him, you know that was wrong.

it just bothers me you won't take responsibility for anything you do, you could even get away with saying you were hammered, but you couldn't even give me that.. you made me wonder, you made me question, you made me into someone i didn't want to be. So thank you for that, you've taught me what not to look for. It hust because you couldn't even treat me like a friend after that which makes me sad and angry that you can treat someone like that. I hope for you that you get better and make better decisions in the future.

S

The Silence scares me because it frames the truth.

C,

what happened to us? No, really.. what the fuck happened? Because apparently I didn't get any memos of any such thing and I was a little blindsided to say the least. You could've said something... but you didn't, you let me hurt and watched me do it. You knew how much I cared for you and I felt as if it was returned, but I fell so hard.

A told me about a conversation that the two of you had after we'd been hanging out and we had been together a few times. You told him you thought I was magical, that you've never felt like that, that you really cared for me.. is any of that ringing a bell? He told me this after we stopped talking, sorry you stopped talking. A felt like I deserved to at least hear it, even if it was from someone else. I was also told that you thought I was too strong, that you needed the male lead and wasn't going to have it any other way. I'm sorry, you should have told me"

I was going though so much hurt at that time, I couldn't even believe that it was happening, I was thrilled to be with you, I'm sorry I was so strong. It was the times I was put in, I couldn't help it. I know you are scared to lose your dad so you can't expect someone to be that strong in a situation, but I can't change that.

I wish things would've been different with us, not that it would/wouldn't of happened, but just in the way that I dealt with everything, I was so distant and I know that hurt you. But you hurt me so much more, you told those girls at the bar about my life story, why must I have other bitches knowing my business about my family and what i've gone through. It was publicised enough and I didn't need you reminding me how shitty the past three years have been.

We're talking again now, not nearly as much as before but it's nice. It's nice to know that you don't hate me enough not to speak to me. We did talk on Rememberance day, do you remember? I told you that it hurt because of what you said and you knew you shouldn't have treated me like that. I know you're different and so am I.

love always,
S

What I would give to save the rain.

A,

there are so many things i wish i could say to your face and not hurt you. You're one of my really good friends and you hurt me everytime we're together, I can't get over it. I know that you're a very outgoing person on a regular level, but noone in their right mind needs to hear someone talk about themselves for 2 hours, not even at a lecture.

you've gotten better since you've been dealing with stress in your life, sad as it is to say, at least it's stress and you know you're alive. As far as the breakup, I didn't want to talk to you after that, you were ridiculous and I couldn't even speak a word to you without getting upset about my own circumstances. I'm sorry, you can't say to someone who has lost their father and brother in the span of two years, that you felt as if they died when the relationship ended, it didn't dear, it's hard that he's still here.. but you weren't even dating that long and as shitty as this is for me to say because I would've never wanted someone to say it to me but you need to get over it. You've been "mourning" for a month, please, if it's bothering you this much... go seek professional help because I can't help you anymore, I'm trying to help myself. Since I'm on the subject of self-improvement one other thing that rightly annoys me and i'd appreciate it if it was monitored is talking about your womderful times spent with your father. Your dad is still around, don't worry.. I get it.. You really don't need to rub it in my face that you get to spend any and all time with him when I would give anything for just one more minute.

as far as you being in love iwth my best friend and have been forever, i'm sorry it's unrequited and you know this, he's told you.. you two were friends but you still think you're going to marry him, I get told all the time that you're crazy and you send wierd texts messages all the time so I can kind of see why it turned out that way. Please stop being crazy, you're so great when you act normal.

love,
S

The Colter Room

The Concept of this blog is going to be pretty simple, it's strange how some people become very introverted when it comes to posting their thoughts and feeling out on the internet for people to freely judge, I am am one of these people. Most of the judgements are completely unecessary at best, people these days have become very demeening as it seems. So, sorry to get off track but the concept is basically just going to be letters or messages that i mean for people to see but know they never will, i'm not bashing anyone it's nothing like that, I just feel I need a good solid free outlet without any judgement and if it happens one day, I'll show these to someone.